What kind of men do you see?
There are four types (Which one are you?):
ONE TYPE IS A PLEASER. He defines his emotions and does not defend them.
Making room for yourself is hard.
You self-sacrifice and put the needs of others first. This is often due to a lack of sensing their own needs.
You hate feeling like you have to continuously prove yourself worthy, lovable or good enough.
You tend to be impatient and can get angry quickly.
They worry that saying how they feel will damage their relationship.
You may feel as though you’re unworthy of love and feel you have to continually prove to your partner that you are.
This kind of man seeks external validation and reassurance from others in an attempt to prove to themselves that they deserve love.
They struggle with being single or alone for periods of time. Relationships and intimacy are strongly connected with this kind of man’s feelings of self-worth.
You crave attention and try to impress others in an attempt to get it.
They are caring and kind to their partner’s needs. However, because they may become preoccupied with catering to their partner’s wants, they may end up feeling as though they need space from the relationship.
They may also experience feelings of resentment toward their partner. “I do all this for them and the further away the get. I’m not appreciated and feel taken advantage of.”
They fear rejection and criticism. They may become highly upset at any form of disapproval from their partner.
You are hyper-vigilant towards any threat to your relationships.
You have a hard time dealing with people who have a problem with you. Getting to the bottom of that is often your concern.
Due to your fear of rejection and need for intimacy, you may overanalyze all of your partner’s actions, but yet misinterpret fundamental problems in the relationship.
You may struggle with making decisions and instead rely on a partner to do so.
You may act clingy and needy towards your partner if they attempt to spend time with others outside of your relationship. What’s more, you might experience intense feelings of jealousy and frustration if they do so.
You are attentive to your loved ones – almost to a fault. Others may end up taking advantage of your kind and generous nature.
There may be feelings of resentment toward your partner and hold them accountable to care.
You may also feel like an imposter.
You may feel insecure when things are going good.
Men like this don’t want to feel fearful about their relationship. They don’t want to feel taken advantage of.
They want to know who they are in the relationship and not see their partner as a threat. They’d also love to trust their partners.
They don’t want traumatic experiences to be normal for themselves. They don’t want to feel like strangers are less scary than their romantic partners.
They want more clarity and less confusion about their relationship.
Interestingly, you attempt to please your partner either to prove to them that you are good enough or to keep them quiet.
ANOTHER TYPE DISMISSES and prefers to maintain an emotional distance from others.
In a relationship there can sometimes be a chaser and a chased. This type of guy prefers to be chased.
If someone does attempt to forge an intimate bond with you, you may pull away from the relationship.
You do so either because you feel uncomfortable taking the relationship deeper or you may not know how to be in a relationship that is at that level. You may also feel it unnecessary to go that deep.
You may come across as superficial and distant and not very introspective.
It feel that opening up may take the relationship to a place where the obligations are too much.
But, you have no problem with commitment.
Displays of emotion, opening up to others, and expressing your feelings make you uncomfortable. When other people try to open up to you, you may minimize their emotional expressions.
You may come across as aloof and distant to others.
You dislike being dependent on others, and see yourself as self-sufficient and independent. You dislike having other depend on you.
Emotional intimacy, trust, and dependency on others are difficult concepts for you. You prefer to create personal boundaries and rely on yourself.
You can only handle drama in small doses and you may be accused of not listening. You have a hard time listening because you are focused more on the solution than the details and strong emotion.
You can go back into memories, but you have a hard time in the present.
You also put a price on everything and want maximum results with the least effort.
Relationships can quickly become too much. Either because you feel awkward relating your feelings, don’t see any reason to do so and are uncomfortable “taking the relationship deeper.”
A conversation with your partner can feel like a college lecture.
These guys want their partners to be less needy, demanding and guilting of them. They don’t want to feel uncomfortable when their partner approaches them.
ANOTHER TYPE IS SECURE with himself and seeks and exhibits emotional closeness to others.
You are able to establish emotional intimacy and to trust people. You may be too quick to trust and that can cause problems.
You are comfortable with mutual dependency: you like being able to rely on others and have others rely on you.
You are comfortable with being alone, but you are also comfortable in a relationship.
You have a positive self-image, a strong sense of self, and a healthy self-esteem.
You are warm and straightforward with others, and able to open up about your feelings.
You are aware of your emotions and can easily express them.You can accept criticism without significant distress and are able to observe and evaluate your own skills and qualities.
You have good self-reflection skills and thus understand the consequences of your behaviors in social contexts.
You tend to have deep, stable, and long-lasting relationships.
You have a positive view on relationships: you feel good about them and seek them.
You manage to balance your emotions between the extremes of feeling too much and too little.
You value attachment.
You can also struggle with ambivalence regarding your relationship troubles.
You also value knowledge and that could be a reason you are seeking counseling.
You may also get stuck in analysis paralysis, not because you doubt yourself. You actually weigh the options and the scale comes out balanced.
If you are looking for counseling, it’s because of that or you want more knowledge.
ANOTHER TYPE EXPERIENCES RELATIONSHIP CONFUSION and lacks a strong sense of self and tends to put others first.
You take care of others and place more importance on them and their needs, instead of on yourself and your needs. Then, you change and disconnect.
You have a hard time being alone; you crave relationships and intimacy, but at a the same time you seem to be pushing your partner away.
You are sensitive towards your partner’s needs and preoccupied with taking care of them, which might cause your partner to feel smothered or suffocated by you.
You fear that you will scare people away and that they will reject, criticize, or abandon you. You can get easily overwhelmed by your partner’s needs.
When your partner is unavailable and spends time away from your relationship, you can become jealous, frustrated, and resentful.
You overanalyze and worry excessively about relationships. At the same time, you easily ignore or misread signs of relational issues.
You feel unable to feel secure with your partner and struggle with conflicting feelings.
Sometimes you’re all in and other times, you’re all out. Sometimes you hope things will be different when you reconnect, then you you can quickly think it’s not worth the effort.
You find it easy to connect and disconnect. This can be a frequent behavior.
You strive for resolution of uncertainty, not for control.
What can counseling do for me?
Counseling can provide a number of benefits for men, including:
Improved communication skills: Counseling can help men learn how to express their thoughts and feelings more effectively, which can improve their relationships with their partner, family, and friends.
Increased self-awareness: Counseling can help men gain a better understanding of their own emotions, behaviors, and thought patterns, which can lead to increased self-awareness and self-esteem.
Greater emotional intelligence: Counseling can help men develop their emotional intelligence, which is the ability to understand and manage their own emotions as well as the emotions of others.
Improved problem-solving skills: Counseling can help men learn new ways of approaching and solving problems, which can be useful in many areas of their lives.
Greater resilience: Counseling can help men build resilience, which is the ability to cope with and recover from adversity, stress, and challenges.
Improved relationships: Counseling can help men improve their relationships with their partner, family, and friends by learning new ways of communicating and relating to others.
Increased coping skills: Counseling can help men develop coping skills to manage stress, anxiety, depression, and other mental health concerns.
Improved mental health: Overall, counseling can help men improve their mental health and well-being.
What’s the cost if I use insurance?
That depends on what kind of insurance plan you have.
You may have a plan that has a deductible that needs to be met before your insurance starts picking up most of the charge.
Or, you may have a co-payment, which is the only out-of-pocket cost to you.
Since each insurance plan varies, I recommend you contact your insurance company directly to ask.
I’m currently accepting the following insurance: Aetna, Blue Cross, United Healthcare, Cigna, Oxford and Oscar.
What happens when I first meet you?
During the first meeting, I’ll gather information about you.
We’ll get to know each other, build trust and rapport.
If you’re uneasy about it, that’s normal.
You’ll tell your story and identify what you want to work on and we’ll create a plan of action.
We then decide how often you’d like to meet.
What if I am uncomfortable talking to you about my personal life?
The therapist/client relationship is unique.
You’ve got nothing to prove to me.
That makes it helpful to be able to talk about yourself and what you’re going through without the input of a family member, friend, or other person.
You will be able to talk about things at a deeper level than you are probably used to.
It’s also unique in that it’s very up close and personal but very distant at the same time.
The therapeutic relationship is very freeing. It allows you to be yourself without any concern about judgment.
It provides you with a fresh, empowering perspective.
Also, what you’re experiencing in your personal life is normal.
Am I mentally ill if I need counseling?
No. A diagnosis is a description of symptoms, not an illness.
Mental struggles are a result of our experiences in the world — with the unpredictability it presents and the people in it and their behavior affecting you (and your behavior affecting them).
Sometimes the resulting emotions and memories get “stuck” in our brains and cause us to feel “mentally ill”.
Will my insurance pay for my counseling?
That depends on your insurance plan coverage details. The majority of men who see me do not use their insurance.
I can provide you with a copy of your bill for you to submit to your insurance company for possible reimbursement.
Often, a man’s insurance policy has a high deductible and he will still pay out-of-pocket until he meets it and then insurance will assist. (This is the type of insurance I have.)
Having a mental disorder diagnosis listed with your insurance company follows you throughout your life and makes it hard to get additional insurance coverage.
I want to help you, not to possibly cause you problems later because of a “mental disorder diagnosis”.
Currently, I’m a the following insurance networks: Blue Cross/Blue Shield, Aetna, Cigna and United Health Care, Oxford and Oscar.
Why would I see you and not use my insurance?
The men who choose to see me and not use their insurance do so for important reasons:
- They have worked out with their accountant to write off their sessions with me as coaching, education or training, so they get the tax write-off.
- They don’t want their insurance to be notified they are in counseling.
- They don’t want a formal mental disorder diagnosis.
- They want to see me in private because they don’t want their spouse or employer to know.
- They want to completely control their mental health records and don’t want them online.
- They use their Flexible Spending Account or Health Savings Account and want to use tax-free funds.
- They want to see a professional that specializes in working with men
- They don’t like the therapists on their insurance panel
- They don’t like being confined to who their insurance company tells them they can see
- Their insurance plan reimburses them a certain amount for out-of-pocket/out-of-network mental health visits
How much information do I need to tell you?
By law, everything discussed in session is held in strict confidence to protect your privacy.
This encourages openness and honesty allowing us to work together on problems, identify opportunities and your personal strengths.
It helps me understand you better.
Exceptions to confidentiality are when you intend to hurt yourself, another or if there is child abuse.
How many times do I need to see you?
Each man’s situation is different.
Most see me bi-weekly for between 2 to 5 sessions.
As each man’s progress is different, we can discuss your situation and plan accordingly.
Therapy is about getting you out and back on the high road as quickly and effectively as possible.
How do you do therapy?
My sessions are 60 minutes.
I use the most current treatment methods and will discuss each with you.
We’ll identify the approach you’re comfortable with, having the most potential for results.
Your reason for engaging in this program is probably due to a current situation. Often your current situation is a result of previous experiences. Those experiences created memories and bad gut feelings.
We will address the issues you bring out related to the present and past. Doing so empowers you for your future.
Each time we meet, I do a brief outcome measure to gauge your progress since our last meeting.
You will identify what you want to address at the start of each session.
At the end of each session, I’ll get feedback from you to rate the quality of our work , whether what we are doing is on target with what you want to accomplish and make any necessary adjustments.
The intention is to make sure you are receiving the service you want, to make sure you are heard and respected.
I’ll make sure my approach meets your expectations and is customized to your specific situation.
Why should I choose you over other therapists?
I can only speak for my service and Texas Men’s Therapy.
I do not compare myself to competitors simply because I don’t see them as competitors. I don’t mean that in an arrogant way, I simply serve a specific, exclusive audience.
I stand by different values.
This is not to say that my competitor’s values are bad, they’re just different.
I focus exclusively on men and that has provided me with specialized knowledge, experience and skill that men find effective.
I focus on becoming better than I was yesterday and don’t get sucked into comparing myself to anyone else.
I welcome competition when it presents itself, but view it as an opportunity to push myself and improve, not as a chance to establish dominance.
Why do you work only with men?
I do my best work with men. When a man chooses to see me, he does so for various reasons:
- He feels more comfortable talking to a male instead of a female.
- He believes another man can understand his problems better.
He likes the masculine environment just like women like the female environment.
- He may not be comfortable sharing personal information with a female therapist.
- He may have mom issues and a female trying to help does not suit him.
- He had an absent father and working with another man gives him the opportunity to develop that aspect of himself
- He believes another man’s perspective is best for his situation.
- He’s had a bad experience with a female therapist.
- He finds it hard to trust women.
- He believes a male facilitator is best for the conversation he wants to have.
- He’s more comfortable talking to a male therapist about his sexual problems.
- He thinks men are better problem-solvers than women.
How soon will I get results?
Every man is different, as are his results.
Every situation is different but results depend largely on how committed you are to solving your problem and using what you learn.
It’s common for my clients to realize improvement after one session. More common, results are realized between one and five sessions.
More challenging problems require more time.
I’ll get you out of therapy as soon as possible but I’ll give your situation the attention it requires.
Let’s Start A Conversation
13785 Research Blvd., Suite 125
Austin, TX. 78750