The Eager Deep Thinker


You’re actively fighting to reconnect with your woman, your life and yourself.

It’s been hard to crack the code to get what you want in your relationship.

You struggle to trust her.

You’re completely absorbed with your efforts and your patience is wearing out.  Your efforts aren’t working or you’re having minimal results.

If you do get results, they’re short-lived.

You’re trying to get her to recognize the situation so you can fix it.  You want a dependable, confident relationship.  You’ve had heavy, serious conversations about the intensity for your relationship and how it’s lacking and failing.

You can’t stop thinking about your partner’s behavior and it makes it hard for you to focus on other areas of your life.

You recognize you’re the energy source of the relationship and you’re the one who confronts the issues. When you do, she deflects it to you and you end up taking all the blame.

You’re worried about being too needy or inadequate for her.

After a conflict, you always collect positive proof about your relationship and use it to support your efforts to connect and prevent her from leaving.  It also helps you feel better about yourself.

Mostly, you brood on your relationship issues.

In every case, you’re the one who usually attempts to get the message across.  Or you give her ultimatums.  You may have actually taken drastic measures to impact her mind about the seriousness of your relationship.

If she reacts to your actions, it doesn’t seem sincere.  You want to believe it but you struggle since this is a pattern with her.  You feel caught in endless ineffective arguments.

You’re still willing to do whatever you need to stay in the relationship.  And, you’ve done a lot.

You always take the blame and feel like it’s your fault for the situation because you don’t want her feeling guilty since that would push her further away.

Your woman is disconnected.  She prefers to focus more intently on others than you.  She doesn’t take initiative and she’s inconsistent.  It’s easy to blame yourself and that’s how you keep a positive view of her.

You’re after an ideal lover, one who will never leave you, a companion who’s always there.  You want that woman to be the one you’re with now.

You easily give up yourself to keep your woman.  You have difficulty calming yourself.  Inside you feel abandoned and it feels like the whole planet is abandoned.

Those feelings are set off by your woman disengaging, when she focuses on someone other than you.  She has no energy and takes no initiative and what she says is not what she feels.

The Autonomous Analyst 


You’re stuck and don’t see any use in continuing the relationship.  You’re isolated and guarded but you’re waiting for your relationship to let you go on with your life, to allow you to be you.

You need validation but you can’t express that to your partner.  You hate feeling so needy.

You camouflage and guard yourself.  You feel insufficient and escape punishment from your woman for not being available.

You wish your spouse would realize you feel trapped with no one to help you.

You’re not a demanding man and you have minimal needs.  You’re submitted to the relationship but angry about waiting for your freedom.  Your spouse has the key.

After an argument, you collect negative proof about your relationship to use it to escape when cornered.  You downplay the importance of your partner because if you made her more important, your self-esteem would suffer and you’re not going there.

At home, you walk softer, talk quieter and smile to gain assurance from your partner or you’re poker-faced because you don’t want to communicate.  This is how you stay invisible.

You may also do other parts of life in private.  You’re highly committed to your job and you may use that as a way to get alone time.

You may say “I love you” but you don’t feel it.  That’s how you’re used to living your life—without emotion.

You’d rather sooth you partner than to argue.  You think you can be doing other more productive things than  that.

When you feel like you’re reaching a deeper connection and satisfaction with your relationship, you stop pursuing, doubt what you’re experiencing and destroy it.

You sense your power when the “inescapable” desertion happens.  If you feel too disconnected, you may become the chaser in the relationship.  You keep a distinct amount of closeness/distance using both tactics.

You do things quickly at home so you can go back to a calmer state and self-soothing.

When you’re around others, your half there and half hiding. You’re stuck in an equal mix of giving up and holding on.  You take very few chances and you hold on to whatever you have.

You’re tired of always balancing without the ability to stay on one side or the other.   


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